2 AM Rambles

Bonjour my lovelies!

I am wide awake, and it’s 2:30 in the morning. I have school tomorrow. 

So a lot has been going on, and I’m super sorry I haven’t updated recently. School and studying has really kicked me in the backside. Senior year in college is super stressful, and I have to start thinking about graduate school. It’s only the second week into classes, and I’m super stressed.

Furthermore, I hurt my thumb. I don’t know how, I just did. During class I popped the first knuckle in my left thumb. There was an insanely loud pop, and it began to hurt. This was on Tuesday. It’s early Thursday morning, and my thumb is throbbing. It hurts to move it, it hurts to keep it still, it hurts to put pressure on it, it can only move a certain way, and it’s making my entire hand and arm hurt. Furthermore, it’s slightly swollen, and I think it might be bruising. I thought I may have dislocated it, but apparently when something is dislocated, it just hangs there. I don’t know what I did, but part of a joint seems to be sticking out; although, I heard that it’s easy to tell if it’s broken. I have no clue. I put ice on it and taken ibuprofen. The swelling goes down and little, and the pain eases up a bit, but then it all comes back. I may need to go to the doctor…

Joy…

Lets see what else has been going on…

Well, my friend is having some boy problems, and I feel like I haven’t been very successful in helping her. It’s just been so long since I’ve had drama that all of my experience is limited because I have forgotten a lot of things. 

I’ve been struggling with self-esteem and body issues. I’ve been going to the gym religiously, but I feel like I haven’t improved much. I know it takes time, but I’m impatient, and since I can’t see results right away, I feel like I’m failing. I either do the elliptical, ride on a stationary bike, jog, or do the rowing machine. I try to alternate. I just feel so inadequate. 

This feeling of inadequacy happens all of the time. I’m just not very good with explaining it. I have a problem with self-harm. It used to be really bad when I was in high school, but I don’t hurt myself as much as I used to. However, it is still a battle that I face to this day. 

I feel really open tonight. I’ll probably wake up tomorrow and wonder why I was, but I feel like all of this needed to get off of my chest.

I hope everyone has a fantastic night.

You are all amazing.

Loves!

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