Dream Reader – Blogging 101

The world is full of strange and wonderful things; although the world may just seem ordinary to you. We see color because of how wavelengths of light are reflected off of an object. Sea turtles always return to where they hatched to lay their eggs. The sun, an ordinary middle-aged star, gives life to a world that could have never been.

A world that is truly unique.

A world that gave life to Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Leonardo DiCaprio, me, and you.

There are so many people in this tiny world that it’s understandable to feel so small, and you know what? We are. We are all small, but that shouldn’t take away your importance.

There are times when you feel small, insignificant, and useless, but you should know that those feelings are normal.

But you? You aren’t normal.

You are unique.

Yes, there are more than 7 billion people living in this world, and you are bound to met people who are similar to you. BUT they cannot experience the same things you do or feel with the same intensity that you do, so let the world see how unique and amazing you are.

You are unique, even within yourself.

You are a star within yourself.

Don’t ever be afraid, and if you feel weak just remember that even the strongest flame flickers in the wind.

You are you; hold on to it.

Not Your Normal Engagement

On Saturday, September 13th, 2014, my long term boyfriend and I got engaged. *Cue collective, “about damn time!”* While I am very excited, I’m also apprehensive to tell people, mainly because of how it happened.

There was no fumbling with words, no shaking, and no tears. We weren’t at a restaurant for dinner, we didn’t go on some magical carriage ride, and no one got down on one knee. There was no ring, and he wasn’t even the one who asked.

Let me set the scene up for you.

We were in the car driving to Charlotte to visit our families and pick some stuff up from his parents’ house. I had to get a boot put on my foot because of a stress fracture the day before, so I was uncomfortable with this piece of medical equipment wrapped around my foot and the bruises under my armpits from my crutches. Tim had been extremely supportive and helpful the day before, and it made me think about all of the other times he had been there for me. When I was throwing up because I drank too much the night before (silly college mistakes). When my aunt was slowly dying during Christmas and he visited her almost everyday; even though, I was down in Charlotte. All those nights I woke up kicking and screaming with panic attacks, and he’d stay up and calm me down. Thinking about that in the car had only furthered my belief that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted him to know that.

So, I asked him. In the car. On the way to Charlotte.

I think at first he thought I was kidding because he chuckled and said, “Okay.” We started joking about it, and how we needed to tell our parents when we got down to Charlotte, and it finally sunk in, and we were happy.

We told our parents, of course. Tim’s family was extremely thrilled for the both of us. They smiled and cheered and congratulated us.

My family, was a different story. I told them, and they stared at me with this dumbfounded expression plastered to their faces. Then they found out I asked and gave Tim hell for it. Now, my family likes Tim, so their reactions were not what I was expecting. Also, who cares that I asked? Tim’s family didn’t care at all, but my family? It was like I brought up a sensitive topic like abortion.

I’m proud of my decision. If I want something, I’ll get it myself. I don’t like romance, I don’t like tears, and I don’t like cheesy moments. This was something I wanted. I don’t care that I asked. I don’t care that I asked in a car. I don’t care that we don’t have a ring.

The wedding isn’t for another two years at least. Tim needs to finish school, and we both need to get better jobs.

I’m happy that he and I are planning on a future together.

I’m happy that this wasn’t a normal engagement.

What was your engagement like? If you’re not engaged/married, what do you plan on your engagement being like? As always answer in the comments!

Who Am I and Why Am I Here

Hey, y’all! Even though I started this blog about a year ago, I don’t think I’ve ever done an introduction post! Here goes nothing

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
    • I am blogging publicly because I like the idea of sharing my thoughts with people. I have journals, but I will write in it for a week or two and then just stop. I believed that if I blogged publicly, I would write more.
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
    • I’m not sure what I would write about. I’m still trying to figure that out. My blog posts definitely reflect how many ideas and thoughts run through my mind.
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
    • I would really like to connect with like minded people.
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?
    • If I blog successfully throughout the next year, I hope to accomplish my goal of blogging continuously throughout the year.

Pumpkins? Yes, Pumpkins.

Ladies and gentlemen, with Labor Day upon us we are reminded that summer is slowly coming to an end. A hot, hot end. Today, in Chapel Hill, NC, it is a blistering 90 degrees Fahrenheit (32.22 Celsius). The weather doesn’t realize that fall is beginning shortly. However, local stores and restaurants seem to realize it. I work at a grocery store. Two weeks ago, I saw my manager stack the shelves at the front of the store with Halloween themed candy. Target has pumpkins everywhere. Michaels has pumpkins everywhere. Starbucks brought back the Pumpkin Spice Latté earlier than scheduled. Pumpkin patches are sprouting up, and Pinterest is filled with recipes for pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin cake, pumpkin everything!

Now I enjoy pumpkins. I like carving them, and I like eating pumpkin flavored treats; however, I like fall for two very distinct reasons.

1.) The weather: it’s not too hot, it’s not too cold, and the wind has a bite to it that gives you this wonderful feeling of anticipation for darker nights and holidays.

2.) HALLOWEEN: Halloween is my favorite holiday. It’s better than Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Independence Day. To me, Halloween is so much more than a Pagan tradition; it’s a time for people to celebrate the weird and wonderful things that bring us joy. I don’t need to dress up, and I don’t need to get drunk. I am perfectly content celebrating with dinner and Tim Burton movies.

Halloween makes me happy, plus it marks the beginning of three months of holidays… And there are tons of pumpkins. ^.^

How do you feel about Halloween? What’s your favorite holiday? Why? Do you like pumpkins as much as big corporations believe you do? Answer below in the comments!

Thank you for reading, and don’t forget to be the weirdest most wonderful person you can be! 😀

Robin Williams and the S Word

I can hear you all rolling your eyes and muttering under your breaths “Robin Williams? She barely ever updates, and she wants to talk about a celebrity that died? Haven’t we heard enough of this?”

Why yes, we have heard a great deal about the recent death suicide of Robin Williams in the past weeks. Some would say, we have heard way too much about Robin Williams’ death. Suicide. 

Suicide is a difficult and controversial topic to talk about or even mention in passing, yet suicide is ranked number 10 as the most common leading cause of death in America in 2011 according to the CDC’s website. I’ve noticed that since Robin Williams committed suicide, anybody who talked about it on Facebook never said that word directly. I read posts about how sad it was that Williams had “died,” or that it was just his time to “go.” On the other hand, people talked about his suicide using phrases like he “offed himself.” Furthermore, if you check the CDC’s website, suicide is titled as Intentional Self Harm (suicide). I find it interesting that so many people avoid the word “suicide.” 

Me: After all, it’s just a word.

My Philosophical Brain: Ah, but words have power.

This is very true. Words do have power. We give them the power: to hurt, to heal, to intimidate, to embarrass. We give words power over our lives. The same is true for the word “suicide.”  During my search for statistics about suicide, I stumbled across three definitions.

Definition 1 Merriam-Webster online dictionary:

sui·cide

noun \ˈsü-ə-ˌsīd\

: the act of killing yourself because you do not want to continue living

: a person who commits suicide

: an action that ruins or destroys your career, social position, etc.

Definition 2 The American Psychological Association:

Suicide is the act of killing yourself, most often as a result of depression or other mental illness.

In the United States, suicide accounts for about 2 percent of all deaths. Rates are highest for men over 69, but are increasing alarmingly in young people aged 15 to 24.

Definition 3 Google:

su·i·cide
ˈso͞oiˌsīd/
noun
 
  1. 1.
    the action of killing oneself intentionally.
    “he committed suicide at the age of forty”
    synonyms: self-destruction, taking one’s own life, killing oneself, self-murder

    “was it suicide or murder?”
     
verb
 
  1. 1.
    intentionally kill oneself.

As you can see, suicide is extremely negative, and anyone would agree that the death of a person is not something positive. Besides, suicide is taboo in many cultures. I was raised in a Catholic household where suicide was not talked about because the taking of one’s own life was a “sin.” I know many people who believe that same idea. According to the University of Missouri, suicide was considered acceptable in the Graeco-Roman culture centuries ago, but only if the person committing suicide was doing so because they were dishonored. If I am not mistaken, the same happened in Japan, especially during World War II.

So, this leads to my question. How come centuries ago (and only decades ago), was suicide considered somewhat acceptable? Maybe because there was more of an emphasis placed on a person’s honor. Honor was greater than life. If you died with honor than you died a hero.

But now? What about now?

The idea of honor seems to be an archaic ideal, with more importance placed on appearance and intelligence. This may be why committing suicide because you were dishonored isn’t seen as a “good reason.” Furthermore, with leading advancements in the scientific field of both medicine and psychology, it would seem that people would be more open to talking about suicide, or that people wouldn’t commit suicide at all. However, after Robin Williams’ suicide became public, many of the things I read and saw bashed a man who was so depressed that he did kill himself. 

Coward was a name that he was given. 

“Why?” was the question everyone was asking.

People commit suicide all the time due to depression or some other mental illness. I would like to take this moment and make a statement, suicide isn’t cowardly. Like so many other people, Robin Williams was trapped in his own colorless world. He may have suffered years of confinement in his dark dark world, yet to the rest of us, he seemed perfectly happy. You never know how a person truly feels…

Selfish was another name Williams’ was called.

I want to begin by saying that I believe people have the right to whatever opinion they want, but I also have that right to disagree with that opinion. Maybe it’s because I was a psych major, but I don’t find suicide selfish. If someone is struggling so much that they reach their breaking point, then it’s extremely sad. I would never call someone selfish for feeling so depressed that they can’t see how their lives would get better, and they commit suicide. When people say that he didn’t think of his family or how his actions affected so many, I just want to bang my head on the table. I feel like some (not all) people don’t realize that depression can really alter how you perceive your life and how you are affecting others (like maybe he felt that his family would be better off without him [just assuming, he may have felt differently]).

What I find most interesting is how everyone seemed so shaken up by Robin Williams’ death. It is truly amazing that he had such an impact on everyone across several generations. Genie, Mork, Mrs. Doubtfire, Peter Pan. I know all of these characters, so does my younger sisters, my parents, and my grandmother. He has touched all of our lives just by his acting, and it’s terrible that we all realized it afterwards.

Yet we all know the this, don’t we? I mean, the media has beaten this half to death.

Let me know what you think. 

Also I did not mean to offend anyone with this post!

Have a great day lovelies, and if you or someone you know are struggling with depression or thinking of committing suicide please tell someone or contact your local suicide prevention hotline.

The number for the suicide prevention hotline is 1-800-784-2433

http://www.apa.org/topics/suicide

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/leading-causes-of-death.htm

https://www.google.com/search?q=suicide+definition&oq=sui&aqs=chrom.0.69i59l3j0j69i65j69i57.795j0j&sourceid=chrome&es_sm=93&ie=UTF-8

maa.missouri.edu/exhibitions/finalfarewell/suicideintro.html

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/suicide

Questions Nobody Asks

Bonjour mes amis! I saw this post from my friend Shadows of our Feelings, and I wanted to do it! Basically I’ll be answering some random questions, but I figured it would be fun, especially after the night I had last night! 🙂

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

 Closed. Always closed. I’m terrified that I’ll wake up one night and see something staring at me from inside my closet.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?

No, I don’t because my hair is so thick that I need the whole bottle to wash my hair.

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

 My sheets are not tucked in/under my mattress. I actually don’t use a top sheet. I make a cocoon with my blanket instead.

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

 No, I haven’t. I don’t see a reason to. I mean, it’s not going to  make my apartment look any classier…

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?

 Yes! That’s how I remember everything!

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

 No! I cut out coupons and use (the majority of) them. I mean, I don’t use the makeup or dog food or baby product coupons, but any coupons for medicine, food, toiletries, and other things that are essential to my living comfortably, I use.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

Neither… I guess the bees. Even though I’m not allergic to bees, I’d still use my Epi-Pen and get to the hospital. If I was attacked by a bear, I would probably die. I do not want that.

8. Do you have freckles?

 Yes, I do!

9. Do you always smile for pictures?

 Meh, It depends. If the picture is for something important, then yes. If it’s just a random picture, I tend to make weird/funny faces, or I just don’t smile.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?

 Ignorance. Arrogance. Intolerance. Hypocritical people. Lazy people. People with no respect for themselves, others, and their environment/surroundings.

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

 No, but my pedometer does.

12. Have you ever been camping?

 If you count the one time my brownie troop and I camped out behind our troop leader’s house by the lake, then yes. It sucked, from what I can remember.

13. How long has it been since you’ve been camping?

 Oh god, I was like 7… I think…

14. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?

 Yes, all the time!

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?

 As disgusting as I find, I do. I really don’t want to.

16. How many people have you spent time with this week?

 A fair few. Tim, my coworkers. Sadly, I think that’s about it.

17. What size is your bed?

 Two long twin beds ratchet strapped together to make a king!

18. What is your Song of the week?

 Teir Abhaile Riu by Celtic Woman or After Ever After 2 by Jon Cozart

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

 Yes, of course. It’s also okay for guys to wear purple and flowers and glitter. In all honesty, I don’t care who wears what.

20. Do you still watch cartoons?

 Yes! Archer and Family and Disney movies. I am a little kid in a grown up’s body.

21. What’s your least favorite movie?

 I have a lot. Probably something too stupid, too gross, or too violent. So Superbad, any zombie movie other than Zombieland, or Saw.

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

 In the Room of Requirement because if I had hidden treasure, I must be dreaming. Plus the Room of Requirement is a great place to hide objects. Just ask Voldemort– Oh wait…

23. What do you drink with dinner?

 Water, alcohol, or soda. It depends on what I feel like drinking/what goes with dinner/whatever I have in the house.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

 McDonald’s sweet and sour sauce. It’s fantastic. Try it!

25. What is your favorite food?

 Sandwiches. They are my comfort food. Especially a turkey sub from Subway.

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

 The Lord of the Rings. No doubt about it. I could watch them over and over and over again.

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?

 Tim Tim!

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

 I was a Brownie for like a year when I was seven.

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

 If it was for something like body acceptance, then yes.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

 I wrote everyone thank you notes for my graduation in May.

31. Can you change the oil on a car?

 Yes I can! I can also check the oil, check the anti-freeze, replace the anti-freeze, and change a flat! 🙂

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

 Nope. I hope I never will.

33. Ever ran out of gas?

 No. I don’t understand how people do, but then again, I’ve never had it happen to me before.

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?

 Turkey, with lettuce, tomato, cucumber, olives, jalapenos, banana peppers, pickles, onions, and spinach with oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper.

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?

 Pancakes. Or eggs and biscuits.

36. What is your usual bedtime?

 On average, probably midnight.

37. Are you lazy?

 When I don’t have anything to do, yes. When I need to get things done, also yes, but I force myself to do things unless I’m super tired.

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

 I remember being Cleopatra, a Pink Lady, Tinkerbell, Little Red Ridding Hood for three years in a row, Alice in Wonderland when I was a freshman in college, and then I stopped.

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign?

 Monkey!

40. How many languages can you speak?

 Two. English fluently and French terribly.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

 No, I do not.

42. Which are better Legos or Lincoln logs?

 Legos! Lincoln Logs are lame!

43. Are you stubborn?

 Is the sky blue?

44. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?

  Neither? I don’t know. I don’t watch either of them.

45. Ever watch soap operas?

 No. It’s the epitome of terrible acting. It is one grade below the Hallmark Channel and one step above dog food.

46. Are you afraid of heights?

 Kinda. I don’t like when I’m high off the ground with no safety harness or net or rail.

47. Do you sing in the car?

 Yes. When I’m alone in the car, I sing as loud as I possibly can.

48. Do you sing in the shower?

 Yes, and part of me really hopes I irritate my neighbors who are always banging around upstairs.

49. Do you dance in the car?

 No, but I drive in the car.

50. Ever used a gun?

 The closest thing I have come to firing a gun would be using a paintball gun to hit some random targets at a family friend’s house. Other than that no. I would probably get hurt.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Last October for Chelsea’s wedding.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

 Yes, but I love singing their songs.

53. Is Christmas stressful?

 Yes. When dealing with my family, all holidays are stressful.

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

 Yes and they are so good!

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Tim’s mom’s strawberry pie. I also enjoy apple pie. 

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

 Teacher, actor, singer, waitress, wizard, princess, hair dresser, all sorts of things.

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

 Yes, I do.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

 Yes. I feel like I have them all the time. I just attribute them to glitches in the Matrix or a patch that’s being downloaded.

59. Take a vitamin daily?

 I probably should, but I don’t.

60. Wear slippers?

 Yes, when my feet are cold.

61. Wear a bath robe?

 Sometimes.

62. What do you wear to bed?

 Torn yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt.

63. First concert?

 Stupid Jonas Brothers…..

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

 Target.

65. Nike or Adidas?

 Nike.

66. Cheetos or Fritos?

 Cheetos.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

 Sunflower seeds!

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

 Who?

69. Ever take dance lessons?

 No, never. Unless you count learning dance moves for the high school musicals I was  in.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

 Something that deals with animals. Maybe a zookeeper or a vet.

71. Can you curl your tongue?

 Yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

 No.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

 Yes, I have.

74. Own any record albums?

 Nope, but my parents do!

75. Own a record player?

 Same as above.

76. Regularly burn incense?

 No. I don’t like incense.

77. Ever been in love?

 Yes.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

 Jimmy Buffett! So bad.

79. What was the last concert you saw?

 Kenny Chesney’s No Shoes Nation Tour last August.

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

 Both!

81. Tea or coffee?

 Tea, preferably green.

82. Sugar or Snickerdoodles?

 Sugar; although I love snicker-doodle cookies too!

83. Can you swim well?

 I’m okay in a pool, but I shouldn’t go too far out if I’m in the ocean.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

 Yes.

85. Are you patient?

 Sometimes. Occasionally. Maybe I could be a bit more patient…

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

 DJ DJ DJ. I don’t like bands at weddings because they are never any good. I’m sure there are great ones, but I have never had the pleasure of experiencing any.

87. Ever won a contest?

 No. I’m not that lucky.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

 Nope, and I don’t think I ever will.

89. Which are better black or green olives?

 Black.

90. Can you knit or crochet?

 Neither.

91. Best room for a fireplace?

 Study, library, living room, bed room. Any and all rooms.

92. Do you want to get married?

 Yes, I do.

93. If married, how long have you been married?

 N/A

94. Who was your HS crush?

 Oh god, I don’t remember. I’ve been dating the same person since my junior year of high school, so I guess Tim?

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

 No. I’m not one to make a fuss.

96. Do you have kids?

 No, I do not.

97. Do you want kids?

 No. I don’t think I do.

98. What’s your favorite color?

 Jade green.

99. Do you miss anyone right now?

Charlotte, my aunt, my family, my friends.

Confusion

There are many things happening in my life right now, and there are many things that are not happening in my life.

My aunt’s birthday is today, and my guinea pig died last night around 10:30. I’m incredibly sad.

However, I also am getting terrible hours at work, and I can’t seem to find a job anywhere.

This leads to my latest conundrum. What am I doing with my life? What should I be doing with my life? Here’s the thing. I could go back to school, but for what? Since my aunt died, and now that my guinea pig died, I could go back for biology and figure out the rest from there. OR I could continue with my original major of theatre and see where that takes me. 

I want to help “decrease world suck” as John Green puts it, but I want to do something I love. I need help and I don’t know what to do. I may still be young, but do I really want to continue school since I just graduated? What am I doing with my life?

I’m so confused.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kingdom Hearts

So, for my birthday, Tim bought me Kingdom Hearts 1.5 Remix for the PS3 and Kingdom Hearts 2 for the PS2. I’m currently playing the first Kingdom Hearts game, and may I say that I absolutely love it. You see, I played the first game before, but was terrible at it. I had my friend play the entire game for me, and in all honesty, it was quite boring. So I’m playing it again.

So far, my favorite place has been Aragbah, but I’m in Halloween Town from The Nightmare Before Christmas, and it’s becoming my favorite world. I love The Nightmare Before Christmas, so this world is fantastic. My least favorite world is Atlantica. Mainly because I can’t figure out how to get the dolphin to swim through the current. 

IF ANYONE HAS ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO GET THE DOLPHIN IN ATLANTICA TO DO WHAT I WANT, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

Thanks! 😀

Hiatus No More

Well… Where do I begin?

So many things have happened since I took my very long hiatus from blogging. I graduated from UNC with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. I have two job interviews, which means I may finally be able to leave my current job. Tim and I moved to a different apartment, and it is quite lovely. I’m going to be a god mother!

Let’s start from the beginning.

Graduation:

Graduation was stressful and a pain. My family came up from Charlotte, and it was a nightmare. On Saturday, May 10th, I participated in the first annual pinning ceremony for Carolina Firsts. I am a first child to graduate in my family, so that’s a pretty big deal. On Sunday, May 11th, I walked across the stage in UNC’s women’s basketball arena, Carmichael, and the hands of several people who I didn’t know existed. My family made comments about how proud they were, but that was only seldom. The majority of what they said to me dealt with my appearance. “Stand up straight!” “Get the hair out of your face!” “Suck in your stomach!” 

During the ceremony, my grandmother and Tim were talking about alcohol, beer in particular. Tim told me that my grandmother asked if beer was the alcohol that made you gain weight, and then she asked if I drank beer…

Let me first tell everyone that I. Hate. Beer. I don’t like the bitterness of it, I don’t like bloated feeling it gives me, and I don’t like the way the carbonation of it feels in my mouth and nose. Beer and me are not friends. So no, I don’t drink beer.

I digress. Tim and Charlotte were there for my graduation. The two most important people in my lives. That made that weekend better. I was happy that I had them to support me throughout school, and I was ecstatic that I had them at graduation, or I may have killed someone.

New Job:

So my friend, Chelsea, came up last weekend, and we were talking about how I posted my resume online, but nobody was contacting me. I also complained about how the place I work now is cutting back on hours, and I only got 12 hours this past week. I make 8.75 dollars an hour, and I have bills and rent to pay and groceries to buy. How can I live off of 105 dollars (not subtracting taxes) a week? I can’t!

Chelsea and I fixed my resume and posted it on careerbuilder,com. Within the hour, I had United States Health Advisors and Aflac contact me asking to set up interviews. I have a second interview with USHA on Monday and my first interview with Aflac on Monday as well. 

I’m anxious and excited all at the same time.

If anyone has any information or advice they’d be willing to give that would be fantastic!

New Apartment:

Tim and I moved into a nicer, bigger, and safer apartment complex in April. It is so nice. In the old apartment complex we had police officers and Fire Marshals patrolling all the time. Apparently where we used to live there was a lot of drug and gang activity. I’m so happy we don’t live there anymore.

God Mother Status:

My friend Chelsea, the one who helped me fix my resume, is pregnant with her first child! I am super excited for her. When she came up this past weekend, she told me that she wanted me to be the child’s god mother, and I was super excited. I’ve never been a god mother before, so I can’t wait!

That’s basically everything that has happened since I’ve been gone!

Hope you all have been fantastic!

So…

It’s been a long four months.

I’m almost done with college, I moved into a new apartment, and I still cry about my aunt…

I thought this would get easier, but it hasn’t. I try to think back to when my great-grandmother and my grandfather died, but it all seems blurry. Like smoke covering the intense feelings I experienced. 

I just want everything to get better. I want to feel better. I want to be able to listen to music or to read or to watch T.V. or to play video games without breaking down and crying. I just can’t figure it out.

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I just kept putting things off. 

There is no true excuse, but I am sorry.